I am very bad at receiving compliments, but am very good at taking criticisms to heart. Yesterday I was called something Not Very Nice by a random passer-by at my workplace. It was completely out of order, had no basis in reality and all my colleagues were stunned into silence (which does not happen often). I felt so bad yesterday that I bought two balls of Kidsilk Haze and then went home for a big hug. I’m in my mid-thirties and I still do not know how to handle unfair criticism. That too makes me feel a bit blue and inadequate.
So let me write about good things. Happy things. Things, thoughts, places and people who make me smile.
- Sarah Haskins makes me really happy. She hosts Target Women which takes a look at the often-ridiculous way the media reaches out to women. The Yoghurt edition had me at “yoghurt is the official food of women!” (and not just because I’m lactose-intolerant and yoghurt makes me feel really sick), but they are all very funny and, excuse the pun, on-target. That’s Gay looks at gay representation in mainstream media with equally great results.
- At Academia Nuts, my good buddy R. writes about art as resistance and wonders how she can incorporate her thoughts into her knitting. I have similar issues with regards to my own crafting and would love to read other people’s thoughts on this.
- I bought the pattern for the Snapdragon Tam today after coveting the hat ever since I first spotted a photo of it. Paula has just knitted a gawjuss version which pushed me over the edge. I am going to use one of the oldest yarns I have in my stash, a Malabrigo-ish 1-ply merino in a dark, lush forest green. This yarn was once fondled by Robert Carlyle, I’ll have you know.
- I was watching Nerdstock: Christmas for Rationalists last night on BBC4 (BBC4 makes me very happy very frequently). The show was very hit-and-miss: I continue to have huge problems with the evangelical branch of atheism (hello Richard Dawkins), some of the comedians were clearly out of their depths and the shiny face of Professor Brian Cox distracted me from whatever he was saying – but I really, really enjoyed Baba Brinkman’s Rap Guide to Evolution. Brinkman’s not the best rapper in the world but he is very clever (and I find it delightful he also does a rap version of Canterbury Tales).
- I have finished my second shawl of the year (Rav Link – I have reasons for not writing about it here just yet) and am 2/3rds through my third shawl. I’m knitting this one out of Fame Trend (yes, still knitting up what I brought from Scandinavia) and I’m liking the yarn so much more than Drops Delight. I must admit I’m a tad tired of knitting shawls out of self-striping yarn.. but hey, it’s good that I’m getting through projects!
Hope you feel better, I’m not sure I even know how to handle fair criticism!
BBC4 makes me happy too, going to catch Nerdstock this week.
Random passers by should zip it! But at least you got some yarny goodness out of it – and a hug! Looking forward to seeing your shawls!
Oh boo. Don’t take it personally. I think drive-by insults are quite a Glasgow thing – I’ve been the subject of ‘oi, bitch’ twice since moving here, for no reason whatsoever.
I once comfort-bought 6 balls of Kidsilk Haze (which to one of my friends is her mythic example of How Mad A Knitter Anna Is) – but I got a cardigan, a tanktop and a corsage out of that £42, so I think it was a wise knitterly choice.
You are not the only one taking those kinds of personal criticisms to heart. I do so as well, and I meet a good handfull of them at work (since I am the one saying no to some people, some of them take it to heart and get really peronal about it … even though I am merely the messenger). It’s a process of constant work. I still have ways to go before I can just shrug it off, but it is getting there. For me it has been about self programming. I have to somehow convince myself not to let it in in the first place … so I have developed a sort of “work-persona”. Something like a role I take on when I go to work. It is actually working quite well :) Maybe some day down the line I will have the strength not the be bothered by ignorant people anymore.
So yeah, I guess when you work in capacity where you deal with people, you will sooner or later deal with idiots. And the idiots will sometimes attack you on a personal level. It’s about developing strategies to tune them out. Your strategies might be different than mine, but I thought I’d share anyways :)
I found ‘The Four Agreements’ helpful for this. I still take some things personally that I shouldn’t, but reading it marked the start of my truly being able to see when someone’s mean comments had to do with himself, his day, and not me.
Sarah Haskins makes everything better. I love her bits about romantic comedies and weddings.
Yeah, the work persona thing might be a good idea.