One of my ongoing preoccupations concerning blogging is the divisions between the public, personal and private sphere.
When I started blogging in February 2001, I decided that I would not write an intensely private blog nor a confessional blog. I would not write about my work, about my family or friends nor about my personal life. Sometimes I admittedly stray close to the line, but I always make sure I feel comfortable with the idea that total strangers will read what I write. Nowadays I feel comfortable sharing pictures of myself or mentioning my live-in boyfriend, but it was not always so. The lines are not etched in stone, but can be moved slightly depending upon circumstance.
The first big shift happened in 2005 when my then literary blog attracted the attention of a mentally ill man who managed to track down my real name and address through clever net detective work. He proceeded to stalk me in the physical world as well as bombard me with attention online. I learned that no matter how hard I tried, I could not stop him from reading “clues” where I had intended none. The man mistook my personal blog voice for the actual private woman. It felt like a violation – but once the stalking had been resolved (thank you, Copenhagen police), I began to reassess blogging and what I wanted to achieve. Looking back, I began to let my guards down the following months and (coincidence or not?) a long-term online friendship blossomed into a long-term romantic relationship still going strong.
Fourth Edition blurs the lines even more. I suppose it belongs to the “craft blogs” section of the blogosphere, but I also write about matters that were once strictly off-limits. Many of my regular readers know me in “real life” which is a new sensation. I post pictures, whine about really wanting a dog and I share what I create. It feels quite intimate, you know. However, I have come to realise that whilst some barriers have fallen, others have sprung up. Because the lines between my blog persona and Me have become almost invisible, I feel much more responsible for what I write. I also feel intensely protective about my innermost thoughts and experiences. I used to think: “I need to blog this” whenever I experienced something. Nowadays I think: “how can I blog this?” I hope you can spot the subtle difference.
I am reflecting upon this because I read so many courageous blogs written by people who feel brave enough to share themselves and their experiences with others. I have stories I wish I felt okay writing about, but since I can no longer hide behind (relative) anonymity, I feel extremely uncomfortable with the idea. To be honest, I sometimes wonder if I can go on blogging (although I would miss it if I were to pull the plug) because of the conflation between my self and my blog persona.
So I post pictures of socks.
Thank you for reading – some of you have been along for the ride for almost a decade – and hopefully I will soon figure out how to blog once more.
I think the thing I try to remember is that while someone’s blog may appear personal, more often than not, it isn’t. Mine isn’t. It might seem a bit personal because I show myself, talk about my home life a little, show pictures of my niece etc, but that’s only a very small part of the picture. It’s the blog me. There is a line and we all decide that for ourselves.
Last year, my supposedly long gone ex revealed in the comments he’d been reading for a long time and laughing at my infertility. I almost pulled the blog but decided not to let him win. I made a fresh start (same name -it was a symbolic move really) and decided I would probably never mention infertility again.
I ask myself some of the same questions you do. Sometimes I want to be open, sometimes I don’t. I go with what feels good and right and continue to ask. I hope you are able to find a balance you’re happy with.
Yes it is a hard one. Sometimes I want to spill out a whole heap of stuff on the blog and then I think , no, actually, why would I do that? So I edit myself down to size. My bloggy-self is not the whole of me, but it helps “the whole of me” to have a blog persona, sharing the “stuff”, but mostly it’s about the socks! You talk of starting again with a new blog and that sounds a lot like creating a new character, not fictional, but a reinvention of yourself. I think that’s a healthy thing. Keep on blogging – yours is one of my favourites for its combination of books, knitting and a splash of reality.
Very well put (and so sorry to read of your stalking troubles). I do occasionally blog about my anxiety and I blogged a little about my stress episode, it’s almost a public service thing I think, I’d like people going through the same thing to know they are not alone. But they don’t need to know all the details, there are plenty of blogs out there that do that (or so I would imagine, I don’t go looking for them, preferring knitting and cakes from blogs).
Its a difficult thing. I mostly keep my blog as stitching/knitting with a bit of life, kind of like my crafty persona with the bits of life that effect it. Really mostly linked to the craft stuff. Partly because that is what I feel comfortable with writing about and I’m not really sure I’m in a place where I want all the personal stuff cascading out. Hell I’m not sure I want to think about some of it some days. But I do feel sometimes that I would like another blog to write all stuff that I chose not to write about and perhaps by choosing not to write it, I’m not really being honest about who I am. The worry for me is how others would perceive me if they read it and if know them in person, then I become accountable in person for what I write.
I’ve gone through several blogging shifts myself, and I think it really comes down to what your goals are for blogging. My blogging is quite personal in some ways—I blog only about books and knitting, but I include a lot about their role in my life, the relationship between those activities and my mental health, my sexuality, and my spirituality. But I don’t blog *just* about those issues on their own; and I don’t really give a lot of background details about it either. It works for me; I maintain some privacy and anonymity, without having to split off aspects of my identity (I’m uncomfortable with doing that).
I guess my point is, I think it’s a good thing if your blogging style shifts. It means you’re growing as a blogger.