Posts tagged amusing

Mad, Bad & Orange To Know

nov09 057Being ill has its benefits. Last time I was stuck in bed for more than two days in a row, I ploughed through Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell which I had previously failed to get into (the plot starts unfolding one-third through the novel). This time around I am knitting whilst listening to podcasts on John Milton (interesting) and Ezra Pound (dull and I even mouthed ‘WRONG’ at my ipod at one point).

I’m knitting with my bright orange 2-ply baby alpaca (yes, the colour is accurate in the photo). It is underspun, rather fragile and almost angora-like soft. And I’m knitting Percy, a pattern which I have previously attempted to knit. I’m now halfway through my second repeat of the dastardly Chart B and I might add in another repeat before doing the edging chart, just to make the shawl a bit bigger. It almost seems a shame to knit an intricate pattern in fuzzy yarn, but the process knitter in me actually Does Not Care. It’ll be a mad, colourful and warm shawl – and I will have conquered Chart B. That is all that matters.

I am still ill, alas, but I think today I will actually get dressed!

And here’s a little news story which may cheer you up:

Rumors of a city of 25,000 lesbians have led hordes of men to contact Swedish tourist authorities and swamp the nation’s Internet providers. Chinese media especially have spread the tale of “Chako Paul City,” supposedly founded in 1820 in northern Sweden by a man-hating widow who banned males, reports Australia’s Daily Telegraph. Inhabitants then turned to lesbianism “because they could not suppress their sexual needs,” goes one recent account in China’s Harbin News service. Swedish tourist authorities are baffled. “I’ve no idea where this came from, but it’s not true,” said a spokesman. “At 25,000 residents, the town would be one of the largest in northern Sweden, and I find it hard to believe that you could keep something like that a secret for more than 150 years.”

(I cannot remember how I came across it – if it’s via you, please let me know so I can credit)

Deja Vu

YouTube Comment or E.E.Cummings? One of the funniest 20th century poetry/21st Century internet crossovers I have seen today. Not that I have seen that many, of course.

After a few weeks of awe-inspiring knitting productivity, my busy fingers have become almost idle. I cast on, knit maybe twenty rows, decide the project doesn’t thrill me and I rip it all out. Lather, rinse, repeat. Possibly it is the continuous failure of Topstykke that haunts me. The pattern is great, of course, but I keep messing up:

  1. I cast on too few stitches and tried to remedy this whilst on a fast moving bus to Aberdeenshire filled with shouty Russian students.
  2. I cast on the correct number of stitches but lost my stitch markers somewhere between a sofa and the kitchen table (a 3 year old nephew might have been involved).
  3. I cast on correct number of stitches, got all of the set-up row right and blissfully knitted on until I realised that I was knitting a size up from what I’m supposed to knit.
  4. I cast on correct number of stitches, got all of the set-up row right and blissfully knitted on until I realised I had twisted my cast-on and I was knitting a moebius-shaped top which will be impossible to wear (in this dimension, at least).

So I think it is time to let Topstykke rest for a few weeks whilst I get other things done. David’s sweater is a top priority (he won the Halloween costume competition, by the way) and I want to have another lace shawl on my needles (Aeolian, I’m looking at you). I just hope that I can stick with those two projects and not rip them out after twenty rows.

Shockingly enough I have begun reading again and am currently one-third through Iain Banks’ Transition. Banks strides the literary and speculative fiction divide, but cunningly uses a middle initial “M” to differentiate between the two genres. Interestingly, “Transition” is being marketed in the UK without the “M” (i.e. it is not speculative fiction, you fools!) whereas the US market gets courted with the “M” (hey, it’s speculative fiction!). My favourite Banks novel, The Bridge, is a non-M novel but is more speculative than many genre novels. It’s all about marketing, isn’t it? So far I’m enjoying the novel, in case you were wondering..

Self Portrait With Dark Felt Hat

vangogh

.. one Halloween costume down, one to go.

Other Half is currently trying to consider whether or not to stab the ear with a palette knife or not.

Oh, decisions…

Two Steps Ahead

The Guardian is running a series of semi-humourous columns called This Column Will Change Your Life and I hit upon It’s Not Easy Always Being Right the other night. I don’t think I’m always right – I live in  shades of grey – but I know that I often feel like I’m outsmarting people (mostly myself) which is a bastardised form of Always Being Right, of course.

Unfortunately this “outsmarting people” is not particularly useful. I am not outsmarting bankers in order to make hefty profits, for instance. My brain is far more useless than that: I’m always two steps ahead of whatever I am supposed to be doing. A typical example of a telephone conversation would be: “Yes, you have misspelled my name, but I would like to address the legal issues surrounding .. okay, it’s K. A. .. can we just look at section 7 befo .. yes, K.A. R…” and when I type I miss out words because my brain is always three or four sentences ahead of whatever I’m typing.

Now imagine how I read. I read very fast and can wolf down a book in a couple of hours. About ten years ago I decided that I needed to start poetry because you cannot wolf down poetry. You have to work at making meaning. You have to be patient with a quiet mind or the poem will not open up. I spent years working with poetry before I felt ready to go back to reading prose. And I still wolf down prose instead of savouring every little punctuation mark. I cannot remember characters’ names nor minor details, but I can tell you if I enjoyed the read or not in very fancy terms.

I am not a New Agey person but I do wish I could live more in the present and focus on what is Right Now. Instead I’m always two steps ahead and outsmarting myself while I’m at it.

A few links that have grabbed me over the last few days:
+ Madeleine Albright: Read My Pins. When costume jewellery went political.
+ The $3,000 Scarf – or why crafting isn’t necessarily a cheap hobby.
+ Cross-dressing in the 20th Century – a series of photos. Thanks, Alex.
+ The Ultimate Bauhaus Dog House – or how to produce a quintessential Ms Bookish link.
+ Take A Weird Break – some very odd headlines from a British women’s magazine. “Spirit Mum Sends Me Elastic Bands” sums it all up.
+ Lady Gaga – Bad Romance (youtube). I love her forthcoming single – it’s exquisitely poptastic in a super-cheesy Eurovision-goes-gay-bar-circa-1986 way. I could see Sweden offering this in a perfect Eurovision world. Other Half hates the song. Pffft.

Whit?

I had to laugh when I saw this little news story: Company seeks Glaswegian interpreter.

Today Translations spokesman, Mick Thorburn said: “Over the last few months we’ve had clients asking us for Glaswegian translators.

(..)

“Usually, the role would involve translating documents but in this case its more likely to be assisting foreign visitors to the city whose ‘business English’ is not good enough to understand the local dialect.”

(..)

He added: “We’re not necessarily looking for people who are particularly skilled in linguistics, just candidates who can help out clients who may struggle with native Glaswegian.”

I remember arriving in Glasgow and not being able to understand most of what was being said around me. While getting some Glaswegian colleagues helped (although I have never found a use for the phrase “that fake bake is pure dead brilliant, hen”), I struggled until I twigged that Glaswegian is basically akin to my Danish uncles attempting to speak English. There is a certain flatness to Glaswegian intonation that is very, very similar to mid-Zealandic intonation and some words spoken with a broad Glaswegian accent sound more like their Danish counterpart than the actual standard English word: home becomes hame which sounds quite like a slurred mid-Zealandic hjem. For a girl who has tried to escape rural Denmark for most of her life, all this feels a bit like a cosmic joke.

Thanks to my friend Lise, I spent most of my lunch reading about the 16th best football team in the word ever. The most recent incarnation is through to next year’s World Cup which bodes well for the amount of (tense) knitting I’ll get done. Huzzah!

Little Women & Werewolves

Yes, the classic “Little Women” has fallen prey to the publishing trend that started with “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies”. Joy. I never read the Austen-goes-supernatural novel.  I mean, I still have issues with casting Colin Firth as Darcy in that BBC mini-series, so imagine what issues I’d have suddenly encountering zombies in the midst of Pemberley!

Anyway, the synopsis of “Little Women” reads thusly:

In this retelling of Louisa May Alcott’s classic, the beloved little women must keep not just the wolf, but the werewolves, from the door…and the kindly old gentlemen next door and his grandson may have some secrets to hide — or share with the March girls.

There is a silver lining, though. On io9, commentators have fun trying to come up with the next installments in this classics-goes-monstrous trend and they’re really quite funny:

  • A Sentimental Education of Vampires
  • Canterbury Tales from the Crypt
  • Uncle Tom’s Kraken
  • Love in the Time of Cthulu
  • The Barchester Martian Chronicles
  • The Handmaid’s Tail

Can anyone come up with a synopsis for any of these?

Self-Awareness is Good, Right?

At times our Domestic Bliss feels a lot like this cartoon:

Zombies!

“My understanding of zombie biology is that if you manage to decapitate a zombie then it’s dead forever. So perhaps they are being a little over-pessimistic when they conclude that zombies might take over a city in three or four days” – Professor Neil Ferguson, Imperial College London

Science ponders “Zombie attacks” (BBC). It sounds wacky but apparently it can help scientists understanding virus pandemics. I knew my good friend M. (an international expert on infectious diseases) would eventually come up with a really good explanation for his zombie film collection.

The Knitting Basket of Doom

august09 014Hello FLS, my old friend,
I’ve come to knit you again,
Because pretty yarn came softly creeping,
And I can knit you while sleeping,
And the shawl that was frogged yesterday
Still remains
Within the knitting basket of doom.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Wondered if I should knit Cobblestone,
‘neath the halo of a second-hand lamp,
I turned my eyes to the weather cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
bright light
That split the night
And touched the knitting basket of doom.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand possible projects, maybe more.
Projects without assigned yarns,
Projects with double-sided lace charts,
Projects that look fabulous – but not on me
And not one made me
Disturb the knitting basket of doom.

Head said you do know
Your yarn stash like a cancer grows.
Find some sweater amount for Hey Teach,
Take these patterns and an FO this month you may reach.
But my hands like idle raindrops fell,
And rested
By the knitting basket of doom.

And so to the great knitting goddess I prayed
I looked at items I had previously made.
And the signs were flashing,
By the sweater amounts I had been stashing.
And the signs said, top-down it shall be
It’ll be easy garter-stitch and fancy-free
And suit that lovely wool-alpaca yarn you
have kept in the knitting basket of doom..

(apologies to Simon and Garfunkel)

Friday Linkage And Such

Ooooh, nice location and a suitable size! I also like that it hasn’t been refurbished beyond recognition (I have a particular bone to pick with developers putting Poggenpohl-knock-off kitchens into Victorian properties).  Shame about the price, of course.

A few months ago David and I went to see the Swedish vampire film, Let the Right One In. It was more art-house than Hammer house and unsurprisingly it is set for a US remake so people do not have to endure subtitles or pale Swedish boys with bowl haircuts. While most aspects of the US remake fills me with dread – the director made Cloverfield and ambiguous gender portrayals are becoming significantly less ambiguous – I found it really interesting to watch the casting tapes of the three girls up for the lead which io9 posted recently. I know which girl I prefer but I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts. Also, do not miss the discussion on io9.

Psychotic Letters From Men was a recent MeFi find. Normally I would cast it a cursory glance, move on and not mention it here, but the site did remind me of the time I received letters from a blog reader who was convinced that a) I had an artificial limb and b) this was the biggest turn-on in the world for the guy. No wonder I let my old blog die a very quiet death..

Finally, Advanced Style cheered me up. It really proves that style ain’t no age-thing.