I Apologise In Advance
I don't know if I am being particularly bitchy today, but when I came across the following pattern note on Ravelry, I stopped in my tracks:
When I’m knitting a Jared Flood pattern, I feel like he’s making love to me. When I finish a Jared Flood pattern, I feel like I just gave birth to his child.
I feel this quote is almost worthy of a lolcat picture - you know the "U R DOING IT WRONG" type - because either I'm not knitting the right kind of patterns or the quoted knitter has not been involved in the right kind of love-making. Also, I know that seaming stuff is seen as a painful process but it is as painful as child birth? Really? And, finally, I just find the pattern note a touch on the creepy side of things.
But I do think I am in a bitchy mood today. I spent my lunch catching up with blogs and after a few reads I decided I had had enough of self-congratulatory, self-satisfied glimpses of homemade organic bread, tidy houses with expensive Scandinavian design furniture and delicate beige sweaters paraded on a series of identikit children who are all doing so incredibly well at school.
I think tonight I'll need to crash a lot of cars on the Xbox 360 whilst eating chocolate. And possibly knit a couple of more rows on David's sweater (I'm hoping stocking stitch will make me go completely zen).
I'll leave you with one of the greatest Halloween costumes I've seen for a long, long time.. and a slightly bitchy link: Regretsy.
Self Portrait With Dark Felt Hat
.. one Halloween costume down, one to go.
Other Half is currently trying to consider whether or not to stab the ear with a palette knife or not.
Oh, decisions...
And They Lived Happily Ever After
.. and they lived happily ever after - they being the knitter and her own Liesl.
I frogged a scarf I knitted last year but only wore twice and miraculously I got an entire top out of my three re-purposed skeins of Noro Iro. Liesl is a magical pattern, I think.
Right now I'm really using knitting as means of escape from a very, very busy life. I cannot write about the things that are happening as I have vowed to keep certain aspects of my life separate from this blog, but I am currently facing a workload which is causing me to a) freak out slightly, b) stress and worry a lot and c) have brain-freezes. I wish I could pick up a book and escape, but my head is not in that sort of space at the moment.
So I knit. I knit a lot.
Earlier this year I was told to relax by watching trashy TV and reading crap books. I've finally taken those words on board and so I'm watching a lot more TV - whilst knitting, of course - than I usually do. This has lead me to conclude that FlashForward is very bad; that True Blood is very interesting; that Merlin is very silly, has pretty art direction and occasionally sports hidden depths; and that I have very little patience for reality TV (bar BBC's MasterChef which Other Half watches religiously).
In other news, the most despicable "newspaper" in the UK - the Daily Mail which does not deserve a link - has published a poisonous article on the death of boyband singer Stephen Gately of Boyzone (BBC link). I read the homophobic article itself earlier today before the Daily Mail found it necessary to edit it. In the words of the Guardian's Charlie Brooker (and his entire column is magnificent):
The funeral of Stephen Gately has not yet taken place. The man hasn't been buried yet. Nevertheless, Jan Moir of the Daily Mail has already managed to dance on his grave. For money.
It has been 20 minutes since I've read her now-notorious column, and I'm still struggling to absorb the sheer scope of its hateful idiocy. It's like gazing through a horrid little window into an awesome universe of pure blockheaded spite. Spiralling galaxies of ignorance roll majestically against a backdrop of what looks like dark prejudice, dotted hither and thither with winking stars of snide innuendo.
I hope Gately's husband and family sues the hell of Daily Mail. And I hope that other advertisers follow Marks & Spencer's example and withdraw their advertising money from the Mail. It is not the first time the Daily Mail angers me (in fact, you could set your clock by how often I feel personally insulted) but this is truly gobsmacking vicious.
Ah, a blog entry which is all over the place. And all I meant to say was that I really do love my new top and that I'm knitting a lot at the moment. The fact that this turned into a bit of a rant should give you a clue as to how stressed I am.
Pax.
Saturday Link Dump
I haven't done one of these in ages. Also: insomnia has struck.
- This is my new favourite cartoon. Strong words lurk within, beware.
- Robert Barclay Allardice - The Celebrated Pedestrian: "His most famous feat was the walking of 1,000 miles (1,600 km) in 1000 hours for 1000 guineas in 1809."
- Fancy Fast Food: "Yeah, it's still bad for you, but see how good it can look!" This one is particularly disturbing.
- How To Speak With A British Accent (youtube) is a series of educational videos teaching non-Brits how to perfect their British accent. Well, except that the videos are unintentionally hilarious. I've linked the "Unique Words" video but there are several other gems.
- My mum's local paper had a "best summer photo" competition. This is my absolute favourite entry. Nothing says "Danish summer" like a wheelie bin.
- Via John, the Armenians may be taking Eurovision a tad too seriously..
- The Beauty of Accidents. When a potentially ruined photograph turns out to be strangely beautiful and even better than what you had in mind. Something to keep in mind in these Photoshop days..
- Finally, it took a long time while for Casa Bookish inhabitants to notice but now we're all about Plants vs. Zombies. Pole-vaulting zombies! Dolphin zombies! Pea-shoots! It's maddeningly addictive.
The Scandalous Adventures of Lord Byron
Channel4 executive: "OMG, OMG! BBC just had their poetry season and it was so supercool! What do we do?!"
Other Channel4 executive: "Is there anyway we can make poetry really sensationalist and entertaining? I mean, I am not not opposed to clever things but poetry is really stuffy, y'know?"
Channel4 Executive: "Uhm.... how about Lord Byron? He was not stuffy. He slept with his half-sister, was 'mad, bad and dangerous to know', wanted to liberate Greece, went a-roving with the Shelleys and wrote really amusing poetry about eating spaniels."
Other Channel4 Executive: "We need a celeb angle. We need.. we could send Rupert Everett around Europe whilst he settles into his botched facelift - and he could talk about Lord Byron's sex life. The incest bit and how he fancied Percy Bysshe Shelley?"
Rupert Everett: "I'll only do it if I get to say naughty words, show off my naked bum, swim in my underwear with cute semi-naked boys, eat caviar with Donatella Versace, and pretend that Lord Byron is really me, me, me!"
Channel4 Executives: "You're on!"
The Knitting Basket of Doom
Hello FLS, my old friend,
I've come to knit you again,
Because pretty yarn came softly creeping,
And I can knit you while sleeping,
And the shawl that was frogged yesterday
Still remains
Within the knitting basket of doom.
In restless dreams I walked alone
Wondered if I should knit Cobblestone,
'neath the halo of a second-hand lamp,
I turned my eyes to the weather cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
bright light
That split the night
And touched the knitting basket of doom.
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand possible projects, maybe more.
Projects without assigned yarns,
Projects with double-sided lace charts,
Projects that look fabulous - but not on me
And not one made me
Disturb the knitting basket of doom.
Head said you do know
Your yarn stash like a cancer grows.
Find some sweater amount for Hey Teach,
Take these patterns and an FO this month you may reach.
But my hands like idle raindrops fell,
And rested
By the knitting basket of doom.
And so to the great knitting goddess I prayed
I looked at items I had previously made.
And the signs were flashing,
By the sweater amounts I had been stashing.
And the signs said, top-down it shall be
It'll be easy garter-stitch and fancy-free
And suit that lovely wool-alpaca yarn you
have kept in the knitting basket of doom..
(apologies to Simon and Garfunkel)
Hello, it’s Me Again
I have had the strangest weekend ever. Okay, maybe not ever ever, but it was strange. We went up to Aberdeenshire and strangeness ensured. I'm home now, thank heavens. My partner, Dave, is away at Dr. Sketchy's and it's quiet here. I have ripe plums waiting for me and I am enjoying having bare feet. It's the small things, you see.
Two things, though, before a brief spiel about another Finished Object (pictured left):
1) Yes, I speak excellent English. This is not the result of me having met David and lived in Scotland for a few years. You do not need to compliment me on how fast I've picked up English. And do take note when I talk about having lived in the UK on and off since the mid-90s and having a degree in English. This means I'm not an illiterate foreigner who moved here because Scotland is flowing with milk and honey. Yes, really, I get that my English is surprisingly good for a non-native speaker. I KNOW THIS. I DO NOT NEED YOU TO KEEP TELLING ME.
(wow, that felt good)
2) We travelled from Aberdeen to Glasgow on a bus filled with tipsy Aberdonian mums-off-the-leash going to see Take That in concert at Glasgow's Hampden Park. That was slightly .. unsettling. I tried to doze to shut out the painful conversations behind me, but to no avail.
Finished object, then.
I was making a cardigan out of two different colourways of Kauni yarn. The idea was to make a crocheted top-down yoked cardigan (these words make sense if you are a knitter or crocheter, believe me). I finished the main bit of the cardigan, crocheted buttonbands and .. it looked frumpy. No, it looked more than just frumpy: it looked like something taken from What the Hell Is This? modelled by Monica Lewinsky. So, scissors came out and fiddled around with the fabric until it dawned on me that I was holding a rather cool top. I just needed to crochet it together and leave enough room for my big head to pop through.
Thus the Kauni top (also known as Sun Ray) came into existence. I'm rather fond of it as it warms my always-cold backside whilst leaving my arms free to do whatever my arms do. I am already planning a few more - possibly in Kauni, but definitely crocheted in the round. The photo is rather arty and doesn't show the top well, but I was having an awkward photo day and this one is at least semi-presentable.
Next: another crazily busy week interspersed with knitting and hopefully some relaxation. Ha.
Knitters’ Picnic – Worldwide Knitting in Public
This year's Worldwide Knitting in Public event in Glasgow is going to take place on Saturday the 13th of June in the Kelvingrove Rockery, Kelvingrove Park at 1pm.
We'll be having a picnic, so bring blankets, water, sunscreen(!), knitting/crocheting projects and something to nibble on. In case of rain, the tentative backup plan is to meet in the main hall of Kelvingrove museum. Non-knitters are encouraged to show up and be assimilated.
(The other week I remembered Glasgow knitters idly chatting about a picnic months and months ago. I revived the topic on Ravelry and, yes, I've somehow ended up "hosting" this event. Let that be a lesson to you all)
Not Quoting Sixth Sense, Not Quoting Sixth Sense
Dead Ronald Reagan appears to wife, Nancy:
She told Vanity Fair magazine: "At night time, if I wake up, I think Ronnie is there, and I start to talk to him... And I see him."
(..)
And she mentioned that the present First Lady, Michelle Obama, called for advice on running the White House.
Mrs Reagan's suggestion was to hold more state dinners - the Reagans held more than 50, compared to just six while George W Bush was in office.
"Just have a good time and do a little business. And that is the way Washington works," she told the new first lady.
Linkage
Link dump day!
+ Europe, Explained: a nice map which summarises it all for confused non-Europeans.
+ Puppets need puppets too.
+ Vegetarian-friendly roadkill carpet
+ The prettiest yarn shop in Denmark? I like my yarn shops over-stuffed, but if you like minimalism..
+ Sweden has its own Etsy-like site.
+ This is a real film: Tiptoes stars Matthew McConaughey as a "normal-sized dwarf", Gary Oldman as his, er, dwarf-sized dwarf brother and Kate Beckinsale as the love interest. Peter Dinkdale features as a a crazy French radical dwarf. I kid you not.
+ 13 Alien Languages You Can Actually Read.
+ This is what happens when knitting gets serious. Like, REALLY serious. Sock Summit 2009. Check out the graphics.
+ Maia Hirasawa: The Worrying Kind. A stunning, stunning cover where I don't think you need to know the original to appreciate it.
+ Jar Jar Binks salad
+ British Library's treasures. You could spend an entire afternoon just faffing about (well, I could).
+ Field Notes. I covet. I covet badly.